My turn to mcmungo! Well Hairy says it’s not real mcmungoing because I’m not saying I know how each Prom is going to turn out but I’m going to say which bits I reckon are going to be best so that’s kind of mcmungoing isn’t it?
PROM 1 – Barbara Frittoli sings an aria from Idomeneo, in it Elettra goes even more mental because some god bloke comes along and says she can’t have her boyfriend after all even though the king said she could before.
PSM 1 – PSM sounds a bit like PMS doesn’t it? Cool. It’s got Moz-Art a la Haydn but it’s written by Schnittke... don’t know what that’s about.
PROM 2 – Lots of scenes from Mozart including the finale from Don Giovanni, I hope that includes the statue, that’s always cool only they might not do it properly because it’s probably a concert performance. There’s a scene from Act 3 of Figaro, I hope it’s the Sextet. Anna Leese, Rebecca Nash and Ailish Tynan are the babes, I mean sopranos.
PROM 3 – Part 3 of the Ring Cycle, Siegfried. Olga Sergeeva is Brunnhilde, don’t know what she looks like but Valkyries are supposed to be hot. Siegfried gets off with his Auntie Brunnhilde, he takes after his mum and dad, they were brother and sister.
PROM 4 - Some piece by Debussy called La Mer that’s supposed to be quite cool. I think someone should write a piece called La Merde.
PCM 1 – Lots of different stuff with lots of wind.
PROM 5 – The orchestra or band or whatever is called London Winds, is it me or does that sound dodgy? There’s a piece called To Compose Without the Least Knowledge of Music, that sounds cool.
PROM 6 – Yeah Glyndebourne! Miah Persson who’s well sexy is Fiordiligi. This is about two blokes who disguise themselves and chat up each other’s birds.
PROM 7 – This concert is for the queen’s birthday, I think the queen is cool but I don’t like the New World Symphony because it’s like school assembly music.
PROM 8 – Ildar Abdrazakov is the soloist in something or other, must be the Shostakovich because one of the other two is an overture and I think the other one’s a ballet. Ildar’s married to Olga Borodina, lucky bloke.
PROM 9 – Don’t know any of this music I don’t think but the conductor and the violin soloist who’s playing some concerto by Brahms are the same person, might be interesting.
PROM 10 – The Blue Peter Prom, I’m miles too old for this even though the music is quite cool.
PROM 11 – The Cunning Little Vixen Suite sounds cool but I want someone to write a FitCrit Suite or a Hairy McMungo Suite would be cool, it would be all about money and whisky.
PROM 12 – Another Blue Peter Prom, it has bits from The Magic Flute and The Carnival of the Animals in. But I’m still miles too old.
PROM 13 – Bryn Terfel sings Belshazzar’s Feast, that’s really cool but maybe they could have a girl sing it sometime.
PCM 2 – Kate Royal and Christine Rice singing duets, I well fancy Christine and if Kate wants me to change my mind about her she can go for it, I can never fancy too many girls.
PROM 14 – I think I know the Surprise Symphony, I think I’ve got a flute and clarinet version so me and Violetta can play some of it if the orchestra don’t turn up.
PROM 15 – Juan Diego Florez sings some Spanish and bel canto slush, I heard him in the Don Pasquale broadcast and I thought he was a girl for a minute. Not that I thought he sounded sexy or nothing.
PROM 16 - Don’t know any of the music in this but Leila Josefowicz who is the solo violin is a blonde.
PROM 17 – It says it’s going to be played by some Sagbutts! They can’t really be called that!
PROM 18 – Mahler and Schumann, heavy stuff but soprano and female pianist, got to be good
PROM 19 – Don’t know anything about this either but the bloke who sang Wozzeck at the ROH is the soloist, he’s cool.
PROM 20 – The Prommers Rabble Choir! Now that sounds like something I want to join. Have you noticed there are always more girls than boys in choirs? I have! You have to be 18 though, how crap. Susan Gritton is singing though.
PROM 21 - More rabble stuff and Elena Manistina too.
PROM 22 – Lucy Crowe sings in Haydn’s Heiligmesse, she’s hot. I’ve never seen Alexandra Sherman but I’d like to. The other piece is Schubert’s great C major symphony, wonder whether he wrote a crap C major one too.
PCM 3 – A string quartet, weird there hasn’t been one of these before but I suppose the Albert Hall is quite big, PCMs are in the Cadogan Hall.
PROM 23 – This looks like all weird Russian stuff but nice photo of Tasmin Little.
PROM 24 – Alexander’s Feast with Sally Matthews, don’t know anything about that but it sounds delicious!
PROM 25 – A song cycle called Voices, doesn’t sound like a very original title. Mary King is the mezzo soloist, she’s a bit old for me but she was cool on the Met Quiz at the ROH, she said she didn’t like Puccini.
PROM 26 - Nicole Cabell won BBC Cardiff Singer of the World last year, now she gets her own Prom, well a bit of one. Not sure since when Pomp and Circumstance is a world premiere, bit confused there.
PROM 27 – Christopher Maltman sings some Mahler stuff, not sure what I think of him, all his opera characters seem a bit the same. This isn’t opera though so he might be okay.
PROM 28 – More stuff I don’t know, a Mother Goose Suite, shouldn’t that be in the Blue Peter Prom?
PROM 29 – Algerian songs, don’t know anything about them but could be really cool.
PSM 2 – Brandenberg concertos with a girl called Rachel playing the recorder and another girl called Rachel playing the recorder and flute.
PROM 30 – The National Youth Orchestra concert, who knows, maybe I’ll be playing with them. You never know, I could be someone really famous.
PROM 31 – Loads of organ stuff, I hope the organ gets stuck, it did once, not sure whether I listened to that broadcast or whether it was some old broadcast, it was funny though. But I do quite like organs so I hope it’s not stuck for like the whole concert.
PROM 32 – Angelika Kirchschlager, she’s well cool. Not sure what I think of Julian Anderson or Emily Dickinson but I could listen to Angelika’s voice like all night long.
PCM 4 – Christian Gerhaher is singing the Dichterliebe, got no idea what it’s about but it sounds quite cool, it’s quite long though.
PROM 33 – Who’s this M. Haydn bloke, no relation from the sound of it. There’s a Mozart mass too. Carolyn Sampson is the soprano soloist, phwoar!
PROM 34 – Felicity Lott is a bit like one or two teachers I’ve had, they have the kind of voice that makes you think you’d better listen to them or else. Except with Felicity I don’t mind so much.
PROM 35 – Mozart piano concerto, cool.
PROM 36 – More weird stuff, Stravinsky looks like the least weird. Like the picture of the pianist though.
PROM 37 – This sounds weird but cool. Music for Mallet Instruments (????), Voices and Organ.
PROM 38 – John Adams conducting his own stuff, does that mean it will be like the ideal performance?
Not sure what I think about John Adams, you kind of think it’s great but you just don’t quite get it.
PROM 39 – Oh yes, Janine Jansen. Very happy to switch on BBC2 and see her.
PROM 40 – Lawrence Power plays the viola so I’m not sure why he’s playing 2 violin concertos but there’s viola players for you. Did you hear the one about the cliff? A violin player and a viola player jump off the cliff. Which one hits the ground first? The violin player because the viola player stops to ask the way!
PROM 41 – Musorgsky’s Pictures at an Exhibition, didn’t they play that last year? Never mind. That conductor is the bloke with the cool but dodgy name, Esa-Pekka Salonen. There’s another one called pecker too.
PROM 42 – Soile Isokoski sings Strauss’ Four Last Songs. I’ve heard these twice and the 1st time the soprano did 6 songs and the second time she did 5 songs, yes really! But I’m betting on 4 this time.
PCM 5 – Another viola player, watch out. Also a clarinettist and a pianist called Cedric.
PROM 43 – Schumann’s Manfred overture, is Manfred an opera then? Mendelssohn’s Scottish Symphony, I know someone who’ll like that.
PROM 44 – The Rite of Spring with the cool bassoon! Did you know there’s someone in the Primi Divi who’s played that? Not in an orchestra but pretty cool anyway don’t you think?
PROM 45 – Ian Bostridge singing Wagner, can’t quite imagine it. So I’ve GOT to hear it.
PROM 46 – Mozart, Mozart, solid Mozart. About time.
PROM 47 – Yuri Bashnet plays the viola and yes he is playing a viola concerto. Let’s hope the double bass player doesn’t put one of Yuri’s strings out of tune and then refuses to tell him which one! Tchaikovsky’s Pathetic Symphony is in it too.
PMS 3 – All Shostakovich, some weird titles. He does have a sense of humour though, you should hear some of his songs.
PROM 48 – There’s a bass soloist from the Mariinsky, should be very cool.
PROM 49 – Lady Macbeth of Mtsensk is just the coolest opera, it’s got all this sex and violence and prostitutes and poisoning stuff in, it would be like an 18 at the cinema.
PROM 50 – Don’t know any of this stuff but The Confession of Isobel Gowdie sounds interesting, wonder what she’s been up to and who with.
PCM 6 – Lots of weird instruments like all kinds of viols and a theorbo, should be cool.
PROM 51 – Susan Graham sings poems about love and something else, the sea maybe. Well I’ve never heard it called that before.
PROM 52 – Loads of singing stuff here but no soloist and another chance for the organ to get stuck.
PROM 53 – This is all Russian stuff apart from Mark-Anthony Turnage, I think he’s English. I’ve seen loads of his premieres and he’s well cool.
PROM 54 – Dawn Upshaw sings some stuff and there’s some more Mahler, there’s always loads of Mahler at the Proms, even in Mozart Year.
PROM 55 – It’s that other bloke with a cool and dodgy name, the other pecker bloke, Jukka-Pekka Sarastre. He’s doing some Finnish stuff, it Finishes at 9:35.
PROM 56 – There’s a Tchaikovsky symphony, I heard one once and it was cool, wonder if it’s the same one but maybe they’re all cool. The violinist is called Gil but he’s a bloke.
PROM 57 – Yeah more Carolyn Sampson! Another all-Mozart concert including the Requiem, that’s the one that sounds like the soundtrack of The Lion King, not that I watch Disney films.
PROM 58 - There are some Weill songs but no singer, maybe they’re like Songs Without Words. Crushing Twister sounds cool. I love Twister, I played it with all these girls once. But it might not be about that sort of Twister.
PCM 7 – Some string players, I’ve heard of some of them before, they’re playing everything from Bach to Colin Matthews, well not quite everything.
PROM 59 – Loads more Mozart, Veronique Gens sings one of Sandrina’s sexy mad arias from La finta giardiniera. Not that I can read the Italian or anything but all her arias are sexy and mad, she’s that sort of girl. I saw it once at Garsington and everyone was like groping each other and the tenor tried to shag the baritone.
PROM 60 – I misread that, I thought it said Five Massages for the Queen of Sheba but Messages might be cool too.
PROM 61 – The pianist is called Lang Lang, I’m sure Violetta’s got some aromatherapy stuff called that. He’s playing Ives, Chopin and Strauss, if he can do all those he probably plays okay.
PROM 62 – Another Mozart piano concerto, the pianist is good. Richard Goode.
PROM 63 – Oh yes, I’ve always fancied Amy Freston but the only time I saw her was as Cherubino and I couldn’t really fancy her then. She’s singing Songs of Despair and Sorrow I think, sounds depressing.
PROM 64 – Lots of Debussy, one of them’s about wind. The conductor is Simon Rattle, he’s married to Magdalena Kozena, he’s such a lucky bloke.
PSM 4 – Magic Flute overture and Thamos Konig in Agypten which has almost the same story as The Magic Flute. Also Eine kleine Nachtmusik but it’s only 18 minutes, I can stand it once more.
PROM 65 – Simon Rattle again, this time with Szymanowski and Bruckner, they write weird stuff.
PROM 66 - Beethoven’s 9th, I only saw it last night but it’s well cool, I like the drums. Never heard of the soprano but the mezzo Yvonne Naef has a well sexy voice. They do this every year, you listen and you’ll know why.
PCM 8 – Berg but not Lulu or Wozzeck so probably quite weird.
PROM 67 – Beethoven’s 5th, everyone knows the first phrase but not everyone knows the rest of it. Though actually, it’s all sort of the same. And another Tchaikovsky Symphony, maybe that was the one I saw.
PROM 68 – Lots of Mozart and a Haydn symphony called The Bear, The Bare would be cool too.
PROM 69 – Han-Na Chang is a female cellist, there’s just something about girls playing the cello that I can’t really write down.
PROM 70 – I said there was lots of Mahler at the Proms, didn’t I say that? Susan Gritton and Christianne Stotjin are singing it this time, it’s on BBC4. Cool.
PROM 71 – I don’t get what’s so great about Joshua Bell’s hair but whatever turns Cunning Little Vixen and Violetta on. Maybe I’ll do my hair like his but I’d probably need to learn to play the violin like him as well and only really he can do that.
PROM 72 – Mozart’s C minor mass is cool, Lisa Milne is the soprano soloist and we all like her, she’s gorgeous, she’s Scottish, she’s um eligant and she’s a well good singer. Rosemary Joshua is the other soprano. I thought there would be a mezzo but I’m not complaining. No way.
PROM 73 – The Last Night! At last, my fingers are like dropping off. Dmitri Hvorstovsky is the soloist, he’s cool but like another bloke? Okay Karen Cargill was there last year but the real soloist was Andreas Scholl who might have a high voice but he’s a bloke, before that it was Sir Thomas Allen who is beyond cool but he’s a bloke, before that it was Bryn Terfel well he is definitely a bloke. Dmitri’s singing Borodin and Verdi though, I’m sure there’s none of that anywhere else in the Proms, no Verdi anyway. The second half is just gross, slush-fest is not the word, but the first half looks well cool. So do the Proms but I don’t suppose I’ll get to go to any of them, I mean can you imagine Barry promming? Violetta? Hairy McMungo would like the low prices but he’s probably worked out it’s cheaper to stay at home and watch on the radio.
FitCrit
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