Opera people all seem to think that young people are only interested in sex and violence. Because of this they feel they have to write new operas with lots of sex and voilence in it like Tangier Tattoo which also has drugs in which is definitely not cool. Or they update the old operas to make them modern like giving people condoms to wave about and bogs to sit on and making people take their clothes off which isn’t so bad. Sometimes the updating stuff works and sometimes it doesn’t. New operas filled with sex tend not to work either. It’s good that they’re trying but if the music’s crap and the story’s crap it’s just a waste of time. Young people are interested in music and stories you know. If we didn’t like stories no-one would go to the cinema would they?
Anyway I’d just like to point out for those who didn’t know that some of the best operas in the world do have lots of sex and violence in. They also have some well stunning singers like Sarah Tynan and Anna Netrebko, loads of them. Most singers have nice figures nowadays too and lots of them can act better than actresses in films. It might take you a while to get into the music, if you think you don’t like opera, you might just be thick but it’s more likely you haven’t really tried it before. Here’s some good stuff that was on last year.
LA TRAVIATA was on at the Royal Opera House and Welsh National Opera. The title means The Fallen Woman and the main character is a prostitute called Violetta. She has 2 boyfriends who meet at a party and her main one who’s called Alfredo gets drunk and attacks the other one.
It’s on this year at the ROH too, Liora Grodnikaite sings Violetta’s friend Flora and she’s well sexy, Ana Maria Martinez who sings Violetta isn’t bad either.
RIGOLETTO was also on at the ROH and WNO. It’s about this bloke called the Duke of Mantua who goes around seducing every woman he sees, he’s a bit of a lad. He and his mates go and kidnap this girl they think is Rigoletto’s girlfriend, Rigoletto gets cross and sends a hitman after them. The hitman’s accomplice is his sister who’s a prostitute, you usually get to see some of her moves.
The ENO production is on this year, don’t think I know the singers and I think the WNO production might be on after September.
MADAM BUTTERFLY was at the ENO, it’s an opera most people have probably heard of and you probably think it’s like the ultimate slush-fest and it is but did you know that Butterfly was a Geisha girl? Pinkerton marries her literally just for sex even though she’s only 15. The first act is so obviously all about sex, that’s like totally the main thrust.
TURANDOT was at the ROH too, it’s quite cool, it’s about this woman called Turandot who sets blokes riddles when they try to chat her up and if they fail they get killed. There’s also a big torture scene and loads of ghosts.
This one’s on at the ROH again this year, Susan Gritton is in it and she’s not bad.
LA FANCIULLA DEL WEST means The Girl of the Golden West, well there’s nothing about golden in the Italian title but that’s how it’s usually translated anyway. It’s about the Wild West and most of it’s set in a bar and people keep trying to shoot each other, it’s fun and the music is better than in a cowboy film I think.
LE NOZZE DI FIGARO is all about sex. Glyndebourne and Garsington both did it last year. This couple, Figaro and Susanna, are getting married in the evening but their boss Count Almaviva has decided he wants to shag Susanna before Figaro does so he’s chasing her everywhere and trying to cop a feel and more and his wife the Countess isn’t very happy about it. Then there’s this woman called Marcellina who’s after Figaro because he made some stupid deal with her and he hasn’t paid up so he’s kind of engaged to her too and there’s a horny teenage boy called Cherubino who’s trying to get off with all the girls. There’s also some nearly-incest and some cross-dressing.
The ROH are doing a new production and a revival next year, don’t know much about the Susannas and Countesses but Barbarina is Ana James who is well hot. WNO is doing it too with Ailish Tynan as Susanna and Elizabeth Atherton as the Countess, should be brilliant. Opera North has Lucy Crowe as Susanna, phwoar!
COSI FAN TUTTE is translated as All Women Do It and I’m sure you can guess what “it” means! Well “it” isn’t just sex, it means really All Women Have Sex With Every Man Who Comes Along. It’s not true unfortunately but it’s still a well fun opera even though the ENO production was a bit crap. These blokes make a bet with their mate that if they pretended to go off to war, their girls would stay faithful to them. So the blokes pretend to go away and come back disguised and chat up each other’s girl.
It’s on at Glyndebourne this year at the Festival and on Tour with Amy Freston who is well hot as Despina but stay well away from the crappy rap version. It might be on at the ROH too, the 2006-07 season hasn’t been announced but there’s rumours about a Cosi with Rebecca Evans (nice boobs) as Despina and it’s quite likely to be this year because it’s Mozart’s anniversary year. I think Opera Holland Park are doing it too but their prices like take the piss, nearly £40 for the cheap seats.
DIE ZAUBERFLOTE or The Magic Flute is by Mozart and in some ways it’s quite a slushy opera but the ROH has Papagena wearing a short skirt and pulling Papageno’s trousers down. Even in the ENO production they got a bit horny. There are murder, suicide and rape attempts all over the place and there’s a character called Monostatos which is pronounced in the dodgiest way you can imagine and it suits him! I also saw the WNO and English Pocket Opera productions, the English Pocket Opera one was for children but the kept the naughty bits in.
English Pocket Opera are doing more tours of it next year, watch out for the Ladies but be careful not to perve on the Third Lady because he’s a bloke!
EUGENE ONEGIN does have loads of slush in it but Tatyana’s letter to Onegin isn’t actually as romantic as people think it is, it’s actually quite hot stuff, can’t believe it didn’t turn Onegin on. Onegin starts a fight with his best mate Lensky over Lensky’s girlfriend Olga even though Onegin doesn’t really want her and they have a proper duel and there’s nearly some adultery at the end, I’d love to see a production when Gremin, that’s Tatyana’s husband, walks in and catches them at it.
This is on at the ROH this year, it’s got Amanda Roocroft who looks good for her age, not sure what Olga looks like but she entered BBC Singer of the World in 2003 so she’s probably young.
LULU shocked even me but in a good way when it was on at the ENO. There are lots of sex scenes and murders and suicides, including one from Jack the Ripper, Lulu gets a job as a prostitute, she has a lesbian relationship with Countess Geschwitz and gives this bloke a blow job in front of loads of people. All in one opera!
THE BITTER TEARS OF PETRA VON KANT had another lesbian relationship, the music was well crap but it was interesting to watch some of the time. Lots of drunken scenes.
BILLY BUDD doesn’t have any women in so it didn’t really interest me so much but it has at least 2 gay men in it and some of the men took their shirts off so the women might like it. There’s a murder too and a hanging.
THE CARMELITES at the ENO is about nuns so there’s not much in the way of sex and they’re not even interested when the soldiers come in but there’s lots of violence and a guillotine scene like you wouldn’t believe.
I think this production might actually be on again this year, after September, I’ve heard rumours.
LOVE’S LABYRINTH is a very old-fashioned opera in lots of ways but even this had a big drunken scene and a joke about the serpent who lives in men’s trousers!
Other operas you might like this year include:
TOSCA is on at the ROH and WNO. 2 blokes fight over 1 women and they all end up dead in different ways.
DON GIOVANNI is a major sex maniac who has slept with nearly 3000 women and he has a long list of every one, well you probably couldn’t remember that many shags if you didn’t write them down! He sneaks into an engaged woman’s bed then later gatecrashes a wedding and makes off with the bride. There’s murder and ghosts and stuff too.
WNO are doing a production in the summer and there’s going to be a production at the Barbican in London as part of the Mostly Mozart Festival too. And I’ve heard rumours of a revival at the ROH in the new season.
DUKE BLUEBEARD’S CASTLE and ERWARTUNG at the ROH are both horror stories about dead bodies and blood and stuff like that. Bluebeard has four wives.
DER RING DES NIEBLUNGEN which should be shown in full next autumn starts off with three naked Rhinemaidens, not sure who they’ll have though.
GIULIO CESARE which is on at Glyndebourne has lots of fights, murders, seduction, attempted rape and a severed head in a box.
In case you were wondering, there’s no PG, 12, 15 or 18 ratings at opera houses!You can literally get in and see ANYTHING.
FitCrit
primi-divi at hotmail.co.uk
Hi
Your blog came up in a search. I noticed this...
"Opera Holland Park are doing it too but their prices like take the piss, nearly £40 for the cheap seats."
Really?! Our prices are £43 (top price),£39, £36 concessions and £21. We also have a Free Tickets scheme for people between the ages of 9 and 18 (1100 tickets available on this scheme) and are about to launch a Late Tickets for students scheme which means registering and when we have seats available we will be offering them for a tenner to Students on the list. Hardly taking the piss!! Check out the website.
Mike